I Need To Talk To Mama

Maybe it doesn't matter how old you are there are just times when you need to talk to your mom. That is what I have been feeling for the last week. So much is going on in my life and the lives of my siblings and children. So much that I need to hear that wise voice telling me it is going to be alright. Telling me that I am tough or that I am a wonderful mom or friend or wife. Telling me that of course I made the right decision and also the one who could tell me I was to hard,to rash, or sometimes just plain stupid. I don't know about you, but sometimes I need my mom to tell me just how stupid I can be. I probably wouldn't take that comment well from anyone else, but her. I really need to talk to Mama. She has been gone for eight years, but she was gone before then. She had alzheimers and the women I could ask anything and would always get complete honesty was disappearing. She never forgot who I was, but she got where she thought their were two of me. The mean one who told her to wash her hands, she didn't need to drive anymore, she shouldn't be cooking or other things that she just couldn't do anymore or I was the nice daughter who let her eat cake and took her shopping and to Sonny's for lunch, but I was still asking her for advice or her opinion on things. Soon the conversation became almost non-existent. I talked she wouldn't respond or she would respond with an answer I couldn't understand. I missed those conversations even though I was sitting right next to her. I would visit her in the nursing home and climb on the bed with her. I would hold her hand and tell her about my day. She would stroke my hair and say I love you. You have pretty hair. Those were good times and I miss those moments. I miss the real conversations. My mom was wise and she had no problem with telling me what she thought about situations I would bring to her attention. She was a woman of strength and values, but she didn't interfere. She didn't offer advice unless I came to her for it. There were a few times when she thought she would blow when she could see me getting ready to make a huge mistake. She usually would encourage the conversation about whatever it was and I would ask her knowing I might not get the answer I wanted to hear. It has been a tough week for me and many of our family members. I need to tell her all about it and probably I would cry and she would stroke my hair and say it is going to be alright, I love you, you are strong and you can do or be anything. You are so special and smart and you have pretty hair my precious little girl. I need to talk to mama, but I will talk to God tonight and I know he loves me and my mama and someday I will get to talk to her again.